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Grief and loss usually occur together
It makes us sad to lose something that we have come to cherish and rely upon. Stability requires repetition thus we become very attached to all of the familiar elements that make up our lives.
Whether it's the loss of a person, a situation or something more subtle, we can become immersed in feelings of loss and sadness.
Grief is an emotion with a lot of gravity, it slows us down and pulls us into painful places. It's a hard one to move through because of that. Sometimes we don't want to face it alone.
The sense of loss is meant to be fleeting
Loss is the sensation that occurs in the gap between the old and the new. A sense of loss, though it can trigger despair, is meant to be fleeting. We are geared for growth and this means moving through loss and not being destroyed by it. To overly dwell on losses is to rob ourselves.
When we think about loss in general we often think about the dramatic losses in Life. Deaths, accidents, break-ups, but there is another kind of loss that can be triggered by subtle transitions such as the loss of a cherished idea or a way of being, There is more sympathy for the grander losses but the subtle losses need compassion as well.
The thing about grief is that it has to be moved through and moved out of
The swampiness of grief is not a place to put down roots. When I counsel people who are dealing with grief I use a combination of psychological counseling and personal life coaching. This allows me to help you deal with the shock and sadness of the loss itself which is phase one. Positive skills are best for the next phase because it’s inevitable after a loss that we have to rally ourselves and start moving forward again. This means making specific plans on what to do next and how to do it.
Grief, Loss and Sadness
Potential forms of loss to consider
Break-ups
Divorce
Major illness
Changes in home life
Changes in job status
Death of an plan
Changes in finances
Death of a dream
Death of a person or pet
Death of a way of Life
Laressa Desmond, PhD, LMFT
Couples Therapy, PreMarital and Marriage Counseling
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